I hope I get good enough

A week and a half ago I was at a Resistance Un-Ball (it was a protest event on the day of Inauguration). Several people got up in the various open mic sessions to read a poem (not my thing), tell some jokes (definitely not my thing), and play an instrument (want it to be my thing).

I realize that one of the motivators for me too is that I express myself well face to face. I'm a bit charismatic in my "on" mode for work. I can get very animated and lively when I'm passionate about something and I would like to be able to do that through music too.  There is just something so wonderful when the mood transforms through song. I don't have the voice for it. I can sing just fine, but it's not a stand out voice. My voice is best suited among many in a chorus helping the altos remember their notes/parts. When I was younger my voice was soprano (lost some of my upper register over time), but they used my ability to keep to a part for the altos to help the other altos and even that singing is ancient history - like nearly 30 years ago. OMG I'm getting old.

You can't do that kind of spontaneous song with a horn. But you can with a banjo or guitar or accordion or piano - but a piano has to be around for that as, of course, you can't transport it easily!

Like, watch these clips. They aren't fancy... two of the three are just someone having an instrument along that led to dancing and drumming and laughing and singing along. That is awesome.

I want to be able to do that. You know what it is also? I want to, in my own weird way, contribute to a party or gathering. I cannot quite describe it as I'm not really introverted, but I'm not really extroverted either. I am quite good at talking in front of people or talking in groups for work, or causes, etc, but for socializing? I'm pretty lousy. I have never, ever been the life of the party. I think it's because I'm too tight. Or...I am always so much in control, can't let down. Something like that.  Being able to throw in music, would allow my expressive/fun side to come out more I think.

With that said, I'll never be good enough for that really anyway, I'm pretty sure, but I can pretend I will be for now!

UPDATE: I wrote this post over a week ago. I no longer have a queue of posts waiting to go up. This is the last of the pre-written posts. My instruments are about to be shipped, a learning book was just shipped today. So, much of the "what ifs" are about to disappear. Now it will be time to learn this thing. And I desperately need a healthy distraction. Trump's election and first week plus has done a doozy for my sleep, my anxiety level (and I'm not an anxious person) and for morale everywhere. Here's hoping this music thing does what I hope it will do (without driving everyone in the house mad!)